Introductions

There was some conversation in our classes about how we are to introduce our new child to others (not family and close friends). Should we say, "This is our adopted child, Suzy," "This our child, Suzy" or does it really matter? In thinking through this question, it helps to know some general background of adoption history. In recent history, the 1940's and '50's even, adoption was still a very hushed event. Most adoptive families didn't want others to know that a child was adopted as it was not socially accepted. Thankfully, though still the culture in some Asian countries, in the US and much of the world this attitude is not the prevalent one anymore. There is now a priority placed on making much of the child's adoption "story" to them when they are young so that eventually they can connect their past to the feelings that they will have to process through as they get older. It helps them to have a stronger sense of who they are when it is inevitable that they will have times that they feel they don't "fit" anywhere despite the love we are giving them.

I don't want to seem that creating a record of our child's story is something we will not genuinely enjoy doing. What a unique and special work the Lord is doing in our family to bring this child to us. I pray that the He will overcome my disorganization and procrastination to help me create a good history of bringing this child home :) Anyway, back to introductions...

Our child will have their own unique adoption story that the agency encouraged us not to share liberally. It is their story, not ours. When I would introduce our children as "Juliana, Evan, and our adopted child, Suzy" (even if it is obvious that she/he will be adopted) I am making that story more readily available for anyone to ask. I certainly don't introduce Juliana and Evan as my "c-section daughter and c-section son." This is quite funny to think of, but the social worker warned us that for some reason people see adoption quite differently. They feel entitled to know exactly how this child ended up in our family and why and this conversation often happens in the produce aisle at the grocery store! Though I may want to boast of it to the world, I need to respect that perhaps they won't want the world to know the details of it all. Part of me says that well, maybe we are just making too big a deal over how we introduce our child, but another part of me can appreciate that it may be wise to err on the side of the child's privacy and to let them share their story when they are old enough. Again, just something to think about and possibly be more sensitive to when around adoptive families.