Our Evan

He's 2 years old today! The God who made the heavens and the earth has also been kind to make us a little boy who we LOVE to have in our family. He is the smiliest guy of the Merrihew bunch :) What I love about Evan is that one minute he is totally tackling his momma with all he's got and the next he is running up for a snuggle. When he was born (we didn't know ahead of time that he was a "he") I remember being overjoyed, but baffled as to what in the world I was supposed to do with a boy. Hmmm...what do they like? What do they do? Well, Evan is patiently teaching me that in Evan's world boys love these things: cars, dogs, balls, books, tickles, good wrestles, and their mama. Not too complicated so far!

Our Favorite "Evan-isms"

• Duh Chuck - Dump truck
• Waw Me - Watch me
• Weeeeew Haw Haw - sound of a fire truck
• Leee (big pause) By - Levi
• Choc Meyoke - chocolate milk

Holt Midwest Benefit for Ethiopia

The more I learn about Holt, the more I desire to champion them in their cause of caring for orphans. Craig and I volunteered at the Holt benefit dinner and auction for Ethiopia in Omaha this Saturday and it was an amazing evening. Even if you are not considering adoption PLEASE try to attend one of these evenings sometime in your life. You will come home after having a delicious and fancy dinner, probably be toting some fun and unique goods from the silent auction, and all your donations will be helping orphans in great need. So, save up the money you spend on all those boring rental movies and fast food and next year spend an evening with Holt!

We didn't feel we could purchase tickets as we are still saving for travel costs, but Holt graciously let us volunteer during the silent auction selling wine and grab bags. It was enough that they let us attend as volunteers, but then they surprised us with a few seats at the dinner and presentation following the silent auction portion. What a treat! They auctioned off many small items all the way up to five African Safari trips! We figured since we had one trip to Africa on the schedule this summer we ought to forgo the safari this year - Ha!

In one portion of the evening there was a presentation on the medical clinic which has just been renovated in a rural part of Ethiopia. It's primary purpose is to save lives in a place where there are so many dangers to the health of mommas, daddies, and their children. I LOVE that Holt purposes to make international adoption an option only when other options (keeping a family together, in-country adoption) have been ruled out - and this medical clinic is such awesome proof of that love for the Ethiopian people. After the presentation, people were asked to contribute specifically to this clinic with a goal of reaching $20,000. People held their bidding cards up at whatever the appropriate amount was for their desired donation and I am not exaggerating when I report that in a matter of 6 minutes people at the dinner had contributed $20,ooo to the this medical clinic. Amazing!

Other pleasant surprises of the evening included:

• connecting with 2 Nebraska couples that are also in-process with the Ethiopia program.



• meeting 1 family that is home from Ethiopia with their little girl since last July. I tried my hardest not to stare in a rude way, but truly I could not take my eyes off of her! I can not explain how sweet it is to me to see these beautiful kiddos home with their families. It is such a strange mix of hope and reality when I see these kiddos right in front of me. It is a crazy HUGE encouragement to my heart.



• Getting to bring home some baskets from Ethiopia that were the centerpieces on our table. They were to be given to the highest bidder at the table, but there were a few ladies at our table that were incredibly kind to us and bought them so that we might have them.



• not passing out after having had 5 shots 4 hours before the event - ha ha!
  

Over all an awesome display of generosity from so many people. It was especially sweet knowing that all the people contributing were contributing towards the care of 0ur little guy.

He is actually there, in Ethiopia, right now.

He's gonna be ours.

No way...

This is crazy amazing.

Court date!

Our first court date is May 8th! This is MUCH sooner than we expected and is an awesome surprise. If we pass, we will expect to have a second court date 6 weeks later - so middle of June. Lord willing we pass both of those on the first try, we will travel early July. Ooooh, I hope we sail through smoothly so that we can go see Levi as soon as possible!

I have to laugh b/c these "predictions" regarding timelines are held so loosely. I imagine that those in the adoption world completely understand and everyone else thinks we are crazy and don't know what we are talking about. The question people are always asking me around town is how things are going and when will we get to go get Levi. Well, I remember back in the day when we first got started with Holt and it was expected to be November. . . then December. . . then early spring . . . now July. This is not the agency's fault. It is partly just the nature of adoption and partly because we chose to jump into a new program where things were not quite set in stone yet.

So at the risk of looking crazy again, we offer yet another prediction for a timeline. Hold it loosely...we may be back with a new one any day!

Robo-parents

Pharmacists are friendly and helpful folks (wink wink!)

While in Omaha this Saturday we scheduled a visit with a friendly pharmacist at Kohll's Pharmacy. They did a fabulous job for us at their travel vaccination clinic. In a total of 5 shots we are now immunized against 8 different maladies. I feel invincible...and sore. For those of you interested in the process these are the immunizations we ended up getting for travel to Addis Ababa this summer:

• Tdap booster (diptheria, tetanus, acelellular pertussis)



• Hep A (this one is 1ml, yes, 1ml of injection all by itself - Yeow!)



• Meningitis



• Yellow fever



• Typhoid (This is currently sitting in our fridge. I find that hilarious. This one and yellow fever are live virus vaccines and preferably should be separated by a month or so.)



• Polio (who knew we needed a booster?!)

For those of you also in process, note that these immunizations were surprisingly costly. For our particular insurance we received a discount, but not complete coverage. The total bill came to a little over a thousand dollars...and we still have to get the kiddos Hep A immunized and complete our own Hep A shots in 6 months. Please understand, I'm not complaining. Just wanted to help others be more informed than we were :) We are pretty unseasoned when it comes to international travel. Well, to be honest we have NO idea what we are doing and the Lord has been gracious to help us as we stumble (gracefully so far) along the way :) This was one of those "unexpected-so thankful I ran across somebody who told me that I needed to do this early-whoa we didn't expect that expense-laughing hilariously that the Lord has provided" kind of steps along the way. God is so good. Even when I have to get poked 5 times.

Record keeping: A lost art

I probably shouldn't say "lost art" b/c I don't think I ever had it! This afternoon left me wishing that I was naturally better at keeping track of things. I am getting us ready to get vaccinated and have called several different clinics trying to figure out if I have had a meningitis shot. Does anybody out there know? I think I did, but can not find any record of it happening. What is one more poke in the arm anyway? Here is what I think is in store for us vaccine wise:

• update on tetanus
• yellow fever
• meningitis (?)
• Hep A for us and kids (plus non-family kids in contact with our kid - SORRY!)
• Hep B for Craig
• typhoid

Yikes! Understand, though, that I am loving that we are at this point in the process :) Due to the fact that we live in rural Nebraska I have spent the afternoon on the phone trying to figure out how, when, and where we should try to get these done. I LOVE small town life, but if you try to do anything out of the ordinary it sometimes takes traveling across the state to get something it done. It looks like some shots can be updated at our local clinic and some we will get done when we travel to Omaha next week. I am thankful that we had a trip on the schedule anyway so that I can just add an appointment that day :)

We also found out that we could go help with the Holt Ethiopia benefit evening in Omaha. I am excited to be able to contribute to the evening and look forward to meeting new people. The adoption community out here is wonderful, but small. It is our heart to promote adoption in this area of the state in the coming years. I pray that the surrounding churches will be stirred to have a heart for the orphan that takes action in encouraging and equipping families to adopt. Until then we will be content with our wonderful and small community. All that to say, it feels good to get together with people who are excited as you are about adoption :)

Changing the world

Time magazine has a recent article titled: 10 Ideas Changing the World Right Now.

I am jumping up and down for #3! Check it out!

Deep Thoughts

Back in the day before kids...and before Saturday Night Live got totally inappropriate, Craig and I used to enjoy the segment "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey.

"How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak."

"I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye."

"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

Though I've not been blogging much, my mind has been chewing on much. Big stuff that I don't feel I ever have quite the time to wrestle through because I can't just ask my two toddlers to wait a few days so mommy can think. So, I continue pleading for understanding and wisdom in discerning my thoughts and emotions and the Lord is being gracious to give me little insights along the way. "As a father shows compassion to His children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him." Ps 103:13

What has made such a difference since the Lord has unveiled to us the face of this little boy? I have had times of being overwhelmed with joy at the gift of this little one. There are times of being overwhelmed with sadness as I contemplate that it is our sin that has made a world where a momma and daddy can't raise their little baby boy. There are numerous reasons for why a child might become an orphan and no matter what the reason is, it is not because all is well at home. All is not well at home because of our sin...yes OUR sin. Death, poverty, drought, sickness, hunger, violence, etc. were non-existent before the fall of man. I praise God for his grace in redeeming not only my family, but also restoring a family to this little one. All this on my mind as I continue to hear our President making decision after decision which will result in the loss of life for so many more babies, not to mention the harm done to a woman's soul after she is herded through the industry that is abortion. Please don't close your eyes and ears to what will be happening in the coming years to mommas and babies.

Hmm...I will step off my soapbox for now :) I marvel at how the Lord is knitting our hearts to this little one whom we have never met. It has been much more painful than I ever expected, and we've barely just begun! I honestly feel I am grieving with him at this time and I so await the day when I can see for myself joy in his eyes when he grants his new momma that first smile. It will be then that I will rejoice much more deeply. I am daily, no hour by hour, thankful for this adoption. Thankful for this waiting that makes the "end" that much sweeter. So we continue to wait as the Lord works for our cause in the courts of Ethiopia! Man, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything in the world!

Catching up

I have had zero blog time lately. I'll give you some updates:

• Signed and sent paperwork this week that formally accepted our referral - WOOOHOO!
• Wrote the big mega-check for the bulk of adoption expenses. I think (?) now all we have left to pay for is travel. I am constantly thankful for Craig and his skill in tracking our finances :) Anywhoo, Praise God for provision! The fact that we could write this check is no small matter...definitely a big victory!
• Found a yahoo chat group that is made up of Holt families. I have only read a few messages and have already learned sooo much more from those ahead of us in the process. It is likely that through this group I will also be able to connect with families that we are going to travel with :)
• Just today received a disk from Holt of pictures from a recent staff visit to Ethiopia. On the disk are pictures from the Durame Center (where Levi is) as well as the Care Center in Addis (where we will pick him up), the new medical clinic Holt helped open in January, and pictures of local families that have been helped by their preservation projects. I LOVE that Holt is so into humanitarian efforts. We looked and looked and we think we found about 6 pictures of our little guy amongst the other kiddos. There are at least 100 pictures and they are not labeled. It truly is driving me a little bit crazy tonight not knowing for sure :) I don't want to bug the agency too much, but maybe in time I will be able to confirm that Levi is in the pictures I think he is. I'm thankful for this disk for so many reasons. Simply to have more pictures of our little one is great. From the pictures we are able to see that the staff is really loving on these kiddos...it makes the wait that much easier. There were also many pictures of the centers as well as local people. I had hoped on our trip to get some pics of local people, but wasn't sure if that would be a very kind/appropriate thing to do. Now that we have these pics I won't feel as though I need to take pictures constantly, instead I will feel more free to just enjoy and interact with the people around us. What and AWESOME gift from Holt!

I am crazy tired, but so need to get this written down. Please forgive me for lack of literary skill :) Here is our referral evening in a nutshell: I had just called Craig a little after 5pm to discuss our date later that evening and had begun my message on his voicemail with "no baby," because at that time we didn't have one yet :) Right at 5:30 I got a call from our agency and Stephanie told me that this was our referral call - Yay! She told me we were matched with a 4 month old little boy and that she would email more info and pictures soon. I don't remember saying much but "Yay!" and thanking her profusely. Meanwhile the kiddos were sitting at the table eating an early dinner and I came out of the bedroom crying. I quickly explained to Juliana that I was crying because I was happy and not because I was sad. Now, understand, when I cry it is not pretty. It is usually snotty and loud. I told her that this was the day that God was going to show us our new little baby and she jumped up and down screaming with me! It totally suprised me that she was so happy, but that was a moment that will stay in my heart for a long time. Jumping up and down with pure joy with my little girl - I LOVE it! I immediately tried to call Craig, but got his voicemail. I couldn't leave this exciting news on a message so I hung up and decided to wait until Craig got home to tell him. We formulated a plan to make a sign that Juilana could run out to give her daddy the minute he got home. It said, "Congrats abat (father in Amharic) , It's a boy!" He got home, totally didn't suspect a thing since I had just called him a few minutes earlier saying "no baby". He was mega-surprised and we caught it on tape :) We gathered around our email so that we could see pictures of him and read his info. Mmmm...happy day!

His name will be...

Lord willing all goes smoothly, in 3-6 months our new little guy will be...

Levi Merrihew

We had another name picked out for a boy, but it just didn't fit after we saw Levi's picture. We will be keeping his Ethiopian name as his middle name and look forward to learning how to pronounce it!

The name Levi means "united" or "joined." In the Bible, Levi was the son of Jacob and Leah and became the head of one of the twelve tribes of Israel. The Levites were unique in several ways. First they did not have an inheritance of land for themselves, but were instead given cities within other tribes' land in which to live. The Levites were also chosen by God to have very specific duties in regards to helping the Isrealites to enjoy fellowship with the Lord. They were the tribe chosen to be priests. Only by birth into the Levite family could a man become a priest who carried out the very important job of offering sacrifices which, in faith, atoned for the priests' and people's sin. When the twelve tribes camped around the tabernacle in the wilderness, the Lord commanded that only the Levites camp directly next to the tabernacle, between the other tribes and the walls, emphasizing the Lord's design that the Levite's were to approach the Lord on behalf of the people.

So, here we have a little guy who we pray will be joined and united to our family in heart and mind. A little guy who has brought us nearer to the Lord in our efforts to bring him home. He has been used by the Lord already in our lives and we look forward to life with Levi and introducing him to the great God who has always cared for him. In the years to come my prayers for Levi will surely be often in Psalm 86 -

There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,

nor are there any works like yours.

All the nations you have made shall come

and worship before you, O Lord,

and shall glorify your name.

For you are great and do wondrous things;

you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord,

that I may walk in your truth;

unite my heart to fear your name.

I give thanks to you, O Lord, my God, with my whole heart,

and I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your steadfast love toward me;

you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

So very real

It is all so very real now. We have a beautiful face to look at...and you had better believe that his picture is always close at hand :) I remember after my babies were born that it felt that I could just hold them and watch their faces forever - and love every minute of it. Funny how it seems very much the same with this little guy. I wish that I could put the world on hold so that I could study his picture for a very long time. For now, though, I must be content with carrying him close by and stealing glances whenever I can.

This weekend post-referral has been so unlike I had anticipated. Wonderfully happy, but also chock full of many emotions I hadn't anticipated. I'm not ready to blog about specifics, but wanted to let you know that we are LOVING this little guy!

So...on the agenda to blog about in the near future

• What we will name him
• What it was like to share the news with the kids and Craig

Also wanted to fill you in on the process from here on out. There is a small, but very real chance that something would happen where this little guy would not be the child that we would adopt. Much has to fall into place from now until he would be deemed our child. We are praying for a smooth processing of paperwork and that people will be in the right places at the right time for this little guy to be our son, but are still resting on the Lord and His sovereignty to do what He knows best for all involved. This week we will be doing paperwork to formally accept his referral and from there we await to hear when a court date can be scheduled in Ethiopia, which is expected to be 6-12 weeks from today. Then there is a good chance that we will be required to have a second court date approximately 6 weeks later with travel scheduled 2-6 weeks after that. So, we can tentatively expect to travel 4-6 months from now.

Today's the day!!!!

It's a boy!

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

He is 3 1/2 months old and very handsome!


WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

And I can't stop looking at his picture!

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

Please forgive me for not posting a picture. It is against the rules until he is legally ours which will be a few months down the road yet.

Mmmmm...HAPPY DAY!

The days go by...

Yet I am reminded:

"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;

our God is merciful.

The Lord preserves the simple;

when I was brought low He saved me.

Return, O my soul, to your rest;

for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For You have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling;

I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living."

Psalm 116:5-9

Love them!

NOTE: For those of you whose lives don't revolve around kids' bums you may not want to continue with this post as it refers to poo and may seem offensive. But for those of you who are in that season, or are soon to be, read on because these cloth diapers are much more practical than I ever imagined :)

Let me first make a disclaimer that I am pretty far from being an "organic loving-sew your own clothes-recycle all my trash" kind of mom. Not that these things are bad in moderation, mind you, it is just not me and I don't want you to give me any credit that is totally undeserved :) I ran the numbers again on cloth diapers a few weeks ago and it seemed an obvious way to start saving money, so we took the plunge.

I have to admit I was excited at the reviews I read, but also was not looking forward to the switch. After a week of Bumgenius one-size reusable cloth diapers I am a fan! They are working great for Evan, much better than my disposables even, and are much less gross than I imagined. To be honest, I was pretty skeptical as far as the grossness goes. If it weren't for the fact that we are saving for the adoption and want to adopt again someday, saving money in this arena would not have even been considered. I even (gasp!) went as far as to sew my own cloth wipes (see monkey wipes above). They are just used and thrown in with the diapers when I wash. And did you notice they are super cute! I thought I would feel like I was doing laundry all the time, but really it is only a load every other day. I make a wipes solution with aloe vera gel and water - super easy.

Oh, and did I mention the Imse Vimse reusable flushable liners that are available. These are a must-have! They look similar to tissue paper and are laid on the diaper when you put it on. It catches solids and you can just pick the paper up and flush it. If your kid doesn't go poo you can throw it in the wash with the diapers and reuse it. Genius!

Update

No baby...yet.

The latest is that it looks like their were no referrals in February so we continue to wait at #5. Lots of families travelled in February to bring kiddos home though and in that I rejoice!

It is very possible that this month could be it as far as getting a call with our referral, though I wouldn't be surprised if it was April. A referral, to explain again, is where we will be matched with a child. Boy or girl, we don't know yet! After that we will get updates monthly on the child as we await a court date in Ethiopia where the child will legally become a Merrihew. Oh, happy day! I am in tears just thinking about it!

Last week we updated our fingerprints at the State Patrol and sent in our background check requests. Craig had his physical and medical forms completed this week. I get my turn soon - yipee :) Doing all this paperwork again made me very thankful to be done with the bulk of paperchasing and already 7 months into our wait. There ARE many things to be thankful for!

This picture is a teaser for my next post...unless I get a phone call this afternoon, of course! Can anyone guess what in this picture is the newest addition to our family is? It is something I am very excited about and can't wait to tell you - later :)

Growing love is painful

I want so badly to meet this little one. What I am feeling is not discouragement, and it is not hopelessness. I know that my sovereign Lord is working in all my circumstances and that he is not withholding any good thing from me. Still I feel sad when the days go by and - no baby. I have really been trying to discern my heart in this, as an unhappy heart on my part is usually due to some kind of sin. You name it, selfishness, envy, craving others' approval - I do them all daily. But God in His kindness helps me to see what is true from His word and battle against those sinful attitudes that take me farther from Him.

So what am I to do with this crazy longing that remains unfulfilled? I think that it is simply a love that the Lord has grown in our hearts. A love that He planted as a somewhat generic love for a little one somewhere in the world has grown into a much more specific love for a little one that I can practically picture...all except their beautiful face. It is this feeling of love that remains unfulfilled as of yet b/c I can't hold this little one to lavish my affection on him or her. So I cry out to the Lord how badly I want to love this little one who has lost their mama and to please bring them soon. The wisdom I see in this time of unfullfilled hope is that when and if times get tough after all is said and done with the adoption, this time of love grown in anticipation will be our firm foundation and will sustain us. This baby may fit seamlessly into our family, but there is a good chance that our family will have challenges, possibly big challenges, mixed in with the wonderful days. Perhaps it is okay to remain sad for a time as we continue to wait to meet this little one.

I had a sweet time in the Psalms yesterday and wanted to make note of the passages that ministered grace to me.

"Praise is due to you, O God, in Zion, and you to you shall vows be performed. O you who hear prayer, to you shall all flesh come. When iniquities prevail against me, you atone for our transgressions. Blessed is the one you choose and bring near to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple."

What an encouragement to be reminded that my prayers are heard. How quickly I become discouraged when I forget that my prayers have not gone unnoticed, but instead have been graciously heard and answered with a loud and clear - WAIT. Also in finding myself stretched in this wait I have often been overwhelmed with my sin, specifically unbelief that this is really going to happen and discontent with the Lord's soveriegnty and wisdom in His timing. Sin has seemingly been prevailing against me and it was so good for me to be reminded that He has atoned for me. It is finished! I have trusted Christ for the forgiveness of my sins and b/c of that there is no wrath waiting for me. God may and will do all necessary things to lovingly correct me, as a good father should, but I can be sure that He is not angry with me on account of my sin.

"...who stills the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, the tumult of the peoples, so that those who dwell at the ends of the earth are in awe at your signs. You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy." Ps 65:1-4, 7,8

I'll give you a sneak peek into my brain lately. The going out of the morning has been filled with, "Maybe today! Probably not today. I'm sure it won't be today." If I do muster a shout for joy in the hopes of getting a call it is quickly followed by much sadness. And the evenings have been shouting, "I knew it wouldn't be today. I wish it had been today. It probably won't be tomorrow either. This is so stinkin' hard." Followed by much sadness. Well, Erin, reality check! Regardless of what is going on in your little puny life, the morning and evening are shouting for joy at the supremacy of Christ...and the burden of waiting is easy when I join in. The Lord seems to always teach me just what I need to know at just the right time. In the last year learning to glory in the riches of the gospel every day and in all things brings me quickly back to the joy of my salvation. The mountain of unknowns becomes very small in relation to the good things I am confident of. Christ and His work of salvation on my behalf is what I am to set my joy in both morning, evening, and all times in between. He has been gracious to answer my pleas for help to "restore to me the joy of my salvation" amidst the waiting.

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; His name is the Lord; exult before Him. Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home; He leads out the prisoners to prosperity..." Psalm 68:4-5

"...so that by two things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we sho have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul..." Heb 6:18

A name that the Lord chooses to distinguish Himself to us is "Father to the fatherless". Part of the reason I want so badly to see this little one is so that I can just give them that love of a momma that they don't currently have. Hidden behind that is a discontent in thinking that the Lord is either not able or not willing to love them well enough, so just get them here already. Yikes! When I type it out is sounds even more horrible...but herein I stand guilty. A father provides food, shelter, affection, and guidance and He has promised to act as a Father to this orphan. No one has ever loved more or better than Christ for He can even fill the great emptiness in everyone with fellowship with their God. "Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 The verses above were a good reminder to me that not only was God able to love this little one, He is also willing. This name of God is trustworthy. He does not lie. He is taking care of this little fatherless one right now in a better way than I ever could.

Whoa, though I have been silent on the blog, my mind has been a wrestling ground. Hmmm...I know that the Lord has already appointed the day on which He will unveil our new son or daughter and believe me, I can't WAIT to tell you about it! It is a priveledge to approach Him with this request so please join with me in praying this little one will come soon!